'AITA for not giving my plus-size friend the queen size bed in our bnb?' UPDATED 4X

There are times when you need to bring grievances to the internet to get a true outside opinion.

"AITA for not giving my plus size friend the queen size bed in our b&b?"

I (30sF) am going on vacation with four of my friends (30s and 40s F). We go every year, and always use a randomized selection tool to help us choose who gets which bedroom. The tool assigns the order in which we can choose. I got third choice, and my plus size friend (Marie) got 5th choice. The first three of us all chose the queen size beds. The other two got twin beds and had to share a room.

Yeah, it sucks, but that’s why we leave it up to chance so nobody can complain. Marie asked me privately if we could switch places so she can have the queen size bed. She is plus size, but imo not so big she can’t fit in a twin bed. I personally have lost over 100 lbs and at my largest, was bigger than Marie is now. I never once asked to switch beds when I was bigger.

I therefore said no. She started crying and told me I was being unreasonable, and that i of all people should understand. I do understand, but it’s my vacation too and I’ve worked hard to be in a body I’m comfortable in. I don’t feel like I should give up my spot to accommodate her, when she can still fit in the twin bed. AITA?

Not long after posting, OP shared a series of small updates.

Edit: We agreed ahead of time that the two people who got the twin beds would pay $75 less than the rest of us. It’s just way too expensive to get a place with 5 rooms and 5 queen beds.

Edit 2: She doesn’t have any mobility issues or other disabilities that I’m aware of.

Edit 3: It’s $75 off of a total of $400 for the whole trip.

Edit 4: She never explicitly offered the $75 back to me, but I honestly can’t imagine she didn’t have that in mind when asking to switch. She’s not the monster a lot of you are assuming she is.

Commenters continued to ask questions and share their opinions.

VeronicaSawyer8 wrote:

So you all paid the same amount and then left it to a randomizer to choose bedrooms? Forget about the weight - if I paid the same $$ to sleep in a double in a shared room, while my friends paid the same for a room to themselves, I be pissed.

Regardless, NTA

and EDIT bc people are way too invested in this comment. OP made an edit explaining the $75 difference after I commented here. Great. We good? My NTA judgement still stands.

OP responded:

No, the two who got the twin bed room pay $75 less than the rest of us.

TheVaneja wrote:

NTA this is the agreed upon method of determining beds if she doesn't like the results then she shouldn't have agreed to the setup. Also there's absolutely no cause for her to demand larger than a twin.

mfruitfly wrote:

NTA. I am plus size and can absolutely sleep in a twin bed. Sure, a person who is much smaller would have an easier time in a twin, but I can totally sleep comfortably. And she knew about the room situation in advance, so if she was truly concerned about needing an accommodation for bed size, she should have told the group in advance.

It can be embarrassing, but she could have told people in advance since you are all friends- listen, I can't sleep in a twin bed so am happy to pay more to secure a queen or look for a different house.

RandomReddit9791 wrote:

NTA. You all have an established arrangement for picking rooms. If she had an issue with that, she should've said something beforehand. Expecting you to give up your room is unreasonable.

deefop wrote:

NTA, but honestly this sounds like a system set up to cause problems.

You're saying it's "way too expensive" to get a place with 5 rooms and 5 queen beds.... but it sounds like it was a 4 bed room house where one of the bedrooms simply had two twin beds instead of a queen?

I don't know, having spent years getting big Airbnb's/vrbo's with big groups of friends, this can also be an issue(though it's way f#$king easier to solve with 5 people rather than the 15+ that we usually dealt with), I feel like it isn't THAT tough to get a house that accomodates everyone.

Personally if I'm spending a bunch of money on a vacation which may or may not involve flights and a ton of other discretionary spending, I would also choose to spend slightly more money to make sure I have a comfortable place to sleep.

Like what are we talking about here, like 50-100 bucks per person more or something? I get the argument if the difference is like thousands of dollars or something, I just find it very difficult to believe that you can't find a place that has 5 beds big enough to accommodate everybody, whether it involves shared rooms or not, for a similar cost.

Or, frankly, get rid of the "random" sh#$ and your friend can just say "Hey look, I need a bed bigger than a twin, I'm willing to pay more but I can't rely on luck to make sure I get a bed that's actually viable for me."

meeps1142 wrote:

I'm confused, do people really find twin beds uncomfortable? Like I get it if you're especially tall or wide but what position are people sleeping in that they need more room than the width of a twin?

Kasparian wrote:

I don’t understand why you guys just wouldn’t choose lodging that had equal accommodations for everyone. She’s being a bit of a drama queen about it, but also your weight has nothing to do with this. If you were still fat would you be fine in the twin bed?

I’m not asking if you’d switch since you say you would never request that, but would you have actually been comfortable? It’s great that you worked hard for your body, but you just seem mad that she didn’t lose the weight too. Ultimately you’re not the AH because this is the ridiculous way you’ve all chosen to split your lodgings, but it was something easily avoided for all parties.

OP responded:

It’s just too expensive to rent a place that has 5 bedrooms with 5 queen size beds.

Bookish4269 wrote:

NTA. She knew what the arrangement was, if she truly needs a larger bed she should have spoken up before rooms were chosen, and asked the whole group if it was okay for her to claim one of the queen size beds before everyone else uses the random method.

She asked, you said no. That should have been the end of it. Her trying to manipulate you by crying and saying “you of all people should understand” is an AH thing to do.

The fact that you used to be big like her doesn’t mean you’re somehow obligated to accommodate her demand. She’s an AH for singling you out like that. She should ask the other 2 people who got queen size beds if they’d be willing to switch. Maybe one of them would agree because they don’t care so much about having a smaller bed, and they’d like the $75 savings.

Clearly, the internet is fully in OP's corner.