Daughter finally confronts mom over unequal treatment of half-sister; 'I called her out.' AITA?
"AITA for calling out my mom for years of guilt trips and pressure to make things equal between me and my half sister?"
Lonely_Advisor5500
My parents relationship ended when I (18f) was 4 and my brother (15m) was 1. My mom treated my dad pretty terribly afterward. She called him a thug and all kinds of stuff because of his appearance and tried to chase him off by suing for child support despite them sharing equal parenting time of us.
My mom got married when I was 7 and within a few months she had another daughter, my half sister. This is where shit started to get stressful for my brother and me. My mom and her husband (I don't and will not call him my stepdad) weren't doing as great as they expected.
I guess my mom got fired and when she got a new job it was demoted. Her husband's company lost a lot of money and paid less. My mom went back to court to ask for child support and got it. But it didn't make the difference she expected.
Mom then started asking dad to buy gifts for my half sister's birthday and for Christmas. My dad told her he bought for his kids but not for a child she had with someone else. Mom would then tell my brother and me we needed to ask dad for gifts for our half sister.
We'd say no and she'd start guilt tripping us. She'd say we're big siblings and we have it way better and if we love our half sister we should want her to be pretty equal to us.
It didn't stop there and my mom, even though dad never sent anything for my half sister, started thinking he should be willing to buy clothes and school supplies and random little treats because she knew he did that for us at his house.
Mom was really hard on my brother and me because we didn't ask dad. My brother told her once that dad shouldn't have to pay when half sister has her dad. Mom said she's still part of our family though and we should feel guilty for having more than her.
Out of spite, a few years ago my mom told my half sister that dad had taken my brother to laser tag for his birthday and bought him a console and that I got to go to this cooking experience that cost like 500 dollars with my friends and that dad had bought me a gaming computer.
She told my half sister we never asked him to buy her stuff too and that we didn't want her to have nice things. She was like 8 at the time. It was messed up. My mom's husband was just as much of a jerk about it.
He would get mad at us for not taking care of our half sister like that. He even threatened to steal us and leave the country to teach us and dad a lesson because clearly he was a better parent than dad.
I stopped going to mom's a few months ago, before turning 18 but close enough to it that she'd be too late getting back to court. I don't stay in touch much either but she blasted me for not visiting for my half sister's birthday.
She started off the guilt trip again so I called her out and told her she sucked and was an awful person and parent for treating my brother and me like that. Mom called me selfish and said I showed how little I cared. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
ConfidentSun9592
So hugely NTA. Maybe try to reconnect with little sis when she's 18. Fuck. I hope dad put you in therapy.
The OP responded here:
Lonely_Advisor5500
Mom blocked us going to therapy by refusing to give her consent. It became a fight in court. He was allowed to take us but the burden was on him to find a therapist who would take us without the consent of both parents and he wasn't able to do that. There is a new place opening so he might be able to get my brother in.
ConfidentSun9592
Jfc. Only a parent trying to hide their own misdeeds would prevent their kid from going to therapy.
The OP again responded:
Lonely_Advisor5500
My mom doesn't believe in therapy in general. You should hear her reaction to others going. There is zero understanding in her that sometimes people need professional help.
Foundation_Wrong
NTA why do some people behave this way?? Absolute AH Mum and husband. How to loose your children as soon as they’re old enough to go NC.
Top-Spite-1288
NTA - parent being asshole, guilt tripping children, badmouthing other parent, threatening children, trying to extord children, being toxic in every way, pit children against the other - then completely flabberghasted when they go NC. ("Why? What did I do? I was always so good to you you ungrateful f*** brat!1!") Classic!
Otherwise_Degree_729
NTA. Can’t your dad go to court for full custody of your brother? If you both testify maybe he won’t be stuck living in that house alone for years.
No_Tough3666
Your mother is horrible. Tell her she is a thief expecting your father to do anything for half sister. I would definitely live with your father and would cut your mother off. I would tell her when she grows up and takes responsibility for her choices you might consider a relationship but that as long as she expects you or your brother to supply what she is responsible for that you will have nothing to do with her.
Tell her you are not selfish and that your father isn’t responsible for her child and neither are you. She is the one that should feel guilty not you. You should tell her she should be ashamed of being deceitful.
She needs to tell your half sister that she is not entitled to the things provided by your father and that your mother is trying to create a jealousy situation that is really just manipulation to take advantage of your father and you won’t play that game anymore.